The Importance of Marrying Yourself

  • Do you do a lot of things out of obligation or guilt?
  • Are you a person who loves to give and isn’t as good at receiving?
  • Did you ever feel unworthy or that you did not matter when you were growing up as a child?

Self-knowledge is key in identifying when to set limits. A recent visit of my daughter has helped to identify how old patterns of care-giving need to yield in the face of life circumstances.

I was in relationships in my past where I thought I had to get love from others in order to feel good about myself. I thought I had to do things for others to love me, that I was not enough just simply being myself, for people to stay and be my friends. I made up all these “lies” as a child, which then led me to treat myself in a way that I was hard on myself, judgemental and lacked compassion. It led me to also study in a career where I could serve others.

I graduated as a Physical Therapist when I was 22 years old, and was so excited to give to children and their parents, focusing on pediatrics. I realize now how everything I did to serve was coming from a place of not feeling complete and whole inside. So many of us “healers” do this. The person we are wanting to give to is really ourselves. Yet we get distracted and focus on helping others. Can you relate to this? I am so grateful that I was avoiding myself because my journey brought me to explore and discover Yoga, Tantra, Hypnosis, Shamanism, Psych-K®, Meditation, Mindfulness practices, Infant Massage, Breathwork, and CranioSacral Therapy to name a few.

Being endowed with physical strength and high energy naturally I noticed I had started to do everything faster while attempting to keep up with the current pace of my life, being the primary caregiver of my mother-in-law and my husband recovering from a triple by-pass surgery last year. Hence, when my daughter came home for a few days of vacation, I naturally became the caregiver Mom. This helped identify my physical limits, feeling unusual fatigue almost daily during her visit.

What I have learned from quantum mechanics and studying with great teachers such as Dr. Bruce Lipton, Dr. Joe Dispenza, and Gregg Braden is that we attract what we are vibrating at. We attract what we are, not what we want.  I have learned that love is something that we are… it is not something that we get from others. Hence, the more we love and accept OURSELVES, the more we can experience the love that others are from ourselves being love within. I have learned that everything we see in others is merely a projection, a perception of how we feel about ourselves. So many people in my life have wanted to love me, yet I was not available or able to receive that feeling of love because I was holding on to so much emotional pain, unprocessed emotions from my past.

As I have released, embraced and processed old wounds from my childhood, done a lot of inner child work/shadow work. I have witnessed over the years how the quality of my own relationship with myself, and with others instantly changes.

Are you aware of all this? I am writing this article to empower people to what is possible when we do the inner work of truly Being there for ourselves.

So many of us are wanting to be in the romantic relationship of our dreams with a partner, yet too often I feel we overlook having that relationship FIRST with ourselves as a way of opening the door to experiencing and attracting that outside of ourselves.

I had been in a dating and relationships coaching program for two years and not realizing that myself avoiding deeper intimate relationship with a man, was coming from my own thinking I did not matter in my own life… it was stemming from me not feeling worthy of receiving, and of a great fear of attracting a man that I really had the hots for who would eventually leave me one day, as my dad did. All lies I was telling myself… as so many of us do, as a way to not get hurt, to protect ourselves. Yet, no one can ever hurt you… unless you give them the power to do so.

What I have learned is that we are all projecting the love that we feel inside of ourselves on to each other, so today, I see how if a man is not able to “love me”, it is merely a reflection of his fear or unwillingness to love himself. I am love, I am worthy, I am lovable, and I am enough are all beliefs I feel today are inside of my beliefs/thoughts filter.

One powerful way I declared this and experienced a massive shift was the day I decided to marry myself.

I went away for a few days on a self love retreat with myself, my friend offered me to stay at her house in the Keys for me to do some writing. I bought a ring a few days before that had the word LOVE on it. I was listening to my own audio meditations about healing our inner child, and it came to me that I needed to marry myself now! And I declared it right there in the bathroom… I looked into my own eyes, and I stood naked in front of myself, telling myself that I mattered, telling myself that I am lovable, that I am enough. And allowing my heart wall of protection to come down, to drop like a curtain and I allowed my love to flow and pour into myself even more fully. I cried and cried, releasing sadness of my own inability to be emotionally available to myself before that. I had a feeling of how all these years I have missed out on really truly being there for me… and I vowed to honor, respect, and appreciate myself to the highest degree from this moment on. I vowed to only do things from a place of love, and from what was true for me. I vowed to stop cheating on myself and stop doing things to get love from others. I placed that ring on my finger and then hugged myself. I could see a shine in my eyes, a sparkle in my smile that I had not ever seen before, and a sense of freedom, a sense of feeling LOVE from the inside out.

Three days later, I got a text from a friend asking me to be the minister for her wedding. And while I received that text from her at around noon on a Saturday, I was talking on the phone to two ministers, who are my friends! WOW! Isn’t that amazing? True story! I tell you that the day you decide and declare what you wish to create, the universe is always conspiring for you and things happen immediately!

Our sub-conscious beliefs are running the show of our life… how we feel in our bodies, is what we attract, and how we love ourselves, is basically what we are able to receive from others.

  • Does this article make you want to marry yourself?
  • Do you feel more worthy and like honoring yourself even more?

I sure hope so, because when you do, you inspire others to do the same. I am so grateful I get to now serve my clients and the world from a place of myself feeling whole and so worthy of receiving the love I have been all along – fully, richly and completely.

Here are some simple steps to marry yourself first as I did.

SACRED SPACE:  First and foremost, I recommend that you open up sacred space, say a sweet blessing to you and to your inner child.

VOWS: I vow to take you as you are, loving who you are now and who you are yet to become. I will love you, and have faith in your love for me, through all our years in this life and beyond.

THE RING:  A circle has no beginning and no end and is therefore a symbol of infinity. It is endless, eternal, just the way the love you share within yourself. Love freely given has no beginning and no end, no giver and no receiver for each is the giver and each is the receiver.

May this ring be a sacred symbol of the vows I take today. I promise to be true and honest with myself, honoring my heart and soul through all of my life’s adventures. I commit to prioritizing my own self-care, self-love and self-respect for all the days of my life. I hug myself as a proclamation of this being true and sound.

Thank you for being true and honoring you! When we do this, we benefit the whole collective!

Let me know how this article benefits you – Contact Me

Go HERE to download a free audio to release and heal.

michelle alva
pureselfinc@gmail.com