Shame is a topic we might be too embarassed to talk about or admit that we have… which prevents us from processing and healing. It is a silent killer as it eats away at our self-esteem and it also causes us to disconnect from all our parts. Those shameful aspects are deeply covered and they create an outward appearance that causes us be “on alert” to constantly cover up the shame.
There is a lot we can do to embrace our shame instead of hold on to it, which so commonly happens with many of my clients, including myself.
And we can hold on to shame from years and years ago, which causes us to attract more reasons to continue to shame ourselves unless we heal it. For example, one day my father picked me up from ballet class, and took me to the mall. At the young age of about 10 years old, I felt his lack of protection, keeping me safe and being careless. He asked me to sit and wait for him while he went inside a record store. While I was sitting waiting for him in the center of the mall, this man in the store stood and looked at me straight in the eyes. He then proceeded to grab for something inside his crotch area, and pulled it out under his very short shorts… it was his private part… and I was petrified as he began to walk towards me… I couldn’t believe this was happening… so I ran into the store and stood next to my father who was luckily close by at the check out register, paying for his record.
What might have happened to me, I thought, “if I didn’t find my dad.” I felt so ashamed, embarrassed, scared and disgusted at the man… and then beyond that I felt my father was careless with me! I felt unimportant, unprotected and not considered properly in that split second. It somehow stayed buried in my memories until now! I feel this and other aspects of his carelessness raising us, contributed to my difficulty trusting men in my adult years. The shame of MY father being like this towards his little girl, ME, caused me to feel shame and unworthiness in my own self.
However at the same time it caused me to overcompensate, to cover up the shameful and unworthy parts… to strive be a woman of high integrity that I have become and also this healing catalyst, creating The Alva Method, so on from this place of wishing that everyone heals from their disconnected and shameful parts.
More and more it appears so clear to me how we attract into our lives whatever needs to heal… life is happening for us to grow, heal and thrive, if we choose to see life in this way. My father loved me so much. He did the best he could, he didn’t mean to be hurtful in anyway, I know this… however as a child, I perceived my own self not being valuable, worthy or being loved or prioritized because of his carelessness throughout my childhood.
Here are 3 Ways For Us To Get In Touch With Our Shame, and Release The Weight, Embrace The Heaviness of this emotion and grow stronger, more connected from it:
- Ask yourself, is there something in my past that I cover up from others or am too embarrased to share with even my closest loved ones? What have I judged about myself that I keep a secrecy about and don’t want anyone to know? Notice what arises from these questions. Write it down or journal about your reflections.
- According to Brene Brown, “empathy is the antidote for shame.” Feel unconditional acceptance for yourself just as you are, and grateful for these feelings of shame which are an opportunity to strengthen empathy and compassion for yourself and others. The shame has come in to your life for a reason, it is simply showing you a different aspect of your human experience. Allow it to be felt. Ask your body, “Where do I hold shame in my body?” Notice what parts of your body feel shame. Breathe awareness into those parts. And simply feel and flow awareness into those parts. This is a great exercise for anyone who has had any form of sexual trauma or been touched in a way that didn’t feel comfortable.
- Lastly ask yourself, “How can I grow, benefit or learn from what has happened? How can this be a blessing for me?” Journal your answers.
Let me know how these exercises benefit you and comment down below.
AND LISTEN TO THIS FREE AUDIO MEDITATION HERE TO EMBRACE AND HEAL FROM SHAME BY INTRODUCING SELF-ACCEPTANCE AND TRUST.